Read this if you ever ask God WHY? because maybe this will help you.
Me and God have been duking it out.
Because hey, I'm all about LOVE and LIGHT and HAPPINESS but on the other hand, sometimes we need acknowledge the reality of life sucking.
I've been carrying a lot of guilt over not being well by now and over having gotten sick in the first place. I blame myself for every misstep I take. I've been feeling like it's my fault for not figuring it out and fixing it!
But two nights ago I realized that I know a drug addict who does everything wrong, and has nearly died of an overdose, but is in better shape than me in some respects.
And I said, "Hey God, I wasn't so bad! No worse than anyone else I know! Why is this happening to me?
"I WAS A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY, God, so why did you pull my wings off???"
And I realized that bad people who do bad things are doing them because they have incomplete information or poor resources.
I felt forgiveness for every human, including me. Including the worst. Because who am I to judge them? Who knows what kind of crap life has thrown at them?
As Jesus said on the cross, "Forgive them. They don't understand what they are doing."
That led to more thoughts:
Then I started crying and my dog and my husband tried to cheer me up.
And I understood a little better. Everyone is suffering, and we all have a choice:
Either suffer alone, or support one another and ease each others' sufferings. And maybe be happy together sometimes for awhile.
Is there a good and omnipotent God? I like to think so. I'm holding out hope! Because when I read the Bible, I see one message over and over again: help one another.
Not out of guilt...
not out of shame...
but because out of all possible choices, kindness is the best choice for a good life.